you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
