I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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