we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
