I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
