Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
God, I missed his penis.
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