Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think i have herpe
just one?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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