I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
