I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
