yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
