you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
