dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
