Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
