from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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