My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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