he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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