Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My feet surprised me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
