and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
