and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
