I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
