tell your sister to shave her snatch
even my farts smell like vagina
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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