How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
