Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
