um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
