Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
