I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
