ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
