i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
