A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
