I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
