Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
