You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize