pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
