I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I will pee on everything he values.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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