Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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