You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
