Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
