This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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