I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
