It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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