i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
