last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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