Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
