Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im six kinds of drunk right now
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize