I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
