You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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