I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
