You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
