i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
