well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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