ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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