Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize