I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you didnt know i had herpes?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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