You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
