How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh god it's open bar.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
