Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
