I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
