i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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