ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
