I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
