brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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