Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
now i know why i became what i already was.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize