saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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