dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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