Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
