I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize