Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
