Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
