Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
